How to Handle a Relationship Where You Feel “Unloved”
Love can be a beautiful thing. Whether it’s receiving love from a family member, friend or significant other, it’s nothing like being in a relationship where both parties love each other and will do anything and everything to preserve the relationship. But what if you love the other party and you aren’t receiving the same love and commitment back? Not a good feeling, right? Trust me, I totally understand.
It is in our nature to not only want to give love but also receive it. It’s a constant transactional relationship as a reminder of the beauty of the gift of love and the beauty in not only receiving but giving. But when you don’t get that love in return, it can hit you hard. I can’t think of any pain that hurts worse than someone not loving nor caring about you nor the relationship as much as you do. It’s worse than being in physical pain. I am unsure about you, but when I am hurt emotionally, it does something to me. You feel pain in places you didn’t even know existed.
This type of relationship can be very draining. Especially if you are the only one trying to keep the relationship going. At some point, you start wondering if you should let go of the relationship and sever all ties, or continue trying to work at keeping the relationship afloat. Well, I will be honest, it’s all dependent on the type of relationship. If it’s a spouse, you need to consider a couple of tactics before just calling it quits. Speak with wise counsel and see what is the best course of action for the time being. I would never tell anyone to immediately consider divorce; God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). But God also desires for you to have peace (1 Corinthians 7:15). Talk to wise counselors and see what’s the best thing to do in this season. If it’s a family member, do you have to see them on a regular basis? Is it your mother or father? Is it someone of significant importance in your life and affects your day to day living? If it’s a friend, how long has this relationship been in your life? Has it been more beneficial or hurtful? These are things to consider, however, as this strain in your relationship is occurring, you need to take care of yourself and remember some things:
- Their lack of love for you does not dictate your worth.
- You have been loved and accepted by someone before you were even born; God.
- Because they don’t love you back, and you may even have flaws, do not beat yourself up. We all have flaws and areas to work on. If they cannot be patient with you, if you are truly willing to work on the flaw, that is not unconditional love. Unconditional love is exactly what it says; not conditional.
- Surround yourself with people who do love you and value who you are and you all’s relationship. You need a reminder of how amazing you are and what unconditional love really looks and feels like.
- Depend on God to always fill your void for the need for love and acceptance. God will never change. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow (Hebrews 13:8). He promised He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6). He sings over you and showers His love over you continuously (Zephaniah 3:17).
- Take care of yourself. Sometimes we struggle with not being loved by others because we truly struggle with loving ourselves. Do you think you deserve to be loved? Do you love yourself? You deserve to be loved. If you aren’t receiving it in this relationship, you may need to sever it and find your peace. That action in itself is showing love to yourself.
- Know when it’s time to let go. I totally understand wanting to preserve a relationship. Especially when you truly love them and value the relationship. However, if you find yourself being killed (emotionally, spiritually, etc) in the process of trying to preserve something and the other does not, it may be time to separate yourself. A relationship with you should be valued. If they don’t value you, why would you want to continue a relationship with them?
- Stay prayerful. Ask God to give you discernment about this relationship as well as what steps to take. God informs us to do what’s needed to keep peace within relationships (Romans 12:8), however, after you have attempted, if you have to move forward, He values you having your peace as well. Allow God to give you direction. He will make it clear what to do. When we ask for wisdom He gives it to us liberally (James 1:5).
You deserve unconditional love in all types of relationships. God is the perfect example of that love.
If you are struggling with moving forward from a damaging relationship, click here: Rubies Healing & Letting Go
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